I remember this moment so vividly, like it was only yesterday …
It was early morning, the sun barely peeked through the drapes of my bedroom. I sat on the edge of my bed gently rocking the teesiest tiniest life within my arms. I clutched his soft skin against my chest breathing in every bit of his sweetness. He warmed me with such an intense love. An honest love completely untouched by the dark and twisted perversions of the world. Something I had never in my entire life experienced before. I trailed my fingertip along his face lightly touching his nose, cheeks and pouty little lips. I stared in amazement at what God had given Tyler and I. I was flabbergasted He could entrust me to carry, birth and raise something so extraordinary. So absolutely perfect when I was so far from that word.
But, He did.
He gave me a son
I had watched so many around me starting families. I had spent years sharing in their joys and investing in their lives. But, never could I have ever imagined a love so profound, so deep until I experienced the joy of motherhood for myself. I was in a whole new level of heaven.
Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. I made no attempt to blink them back as they fell shamelessly down my cheeks. Sobs slowly escaped my lips and I absorbed the mega-journey laid before my feet. I vowed to not only accept it but embrace the ride humbly and graciously.
In that moment I looked up to the sky, tears still streaming down my face. And, I had a very simple conversation with God:
Please give me more time with him, God.
My one shot.
My one and only.
I’ll never get a redo.
I’m not having any more children.
And, I’m putting my desire out there on the table.
And, I’m asking you to find me a job that lets me work four days a week.
I’m asking you to give me just as much money as I make now so I can still contribute to our family.
I’m asking you to send me somewhere to work for someone great.
I’m asking you not because I deserve it but, because I know You love me.
And, I don’t know how you’re going to do this.
I just don’t know.
But, I won’t be discouraged. I know you’ll orchestrate this perfectly.
I trust You …
I dried my tears, wiping them from my chin and cheeks. I kissed my sweet lil’ man on the forehead brushing my lips against his baby soft skin. I hugged him tightly against me as peace fell over my mind, body and soul. I swept my hand over the peach fuzz of his head and whispered in his little ear,
“Mommy’s gonna be home more, real soon, monkey. I promise.”
(fast forward 3 1/2 months)
I sat alone in my living reading (as always) while Parker and his daddy slept the morning away. I had no idea what was about to take place …
I received a sweet little message from a family friend asking a smidgen of a favor. When I informed this person that I could actually do that for them …
The whole game changed
The rug of reason got pulled from beneath my feet
The universe shifted on its axis
And, they offered me an opportunity I absolutely couldn’t turn down.
No. Freaking. Way.
Did that just happen?!?!?!?!
::::Cue tears of joy::::
I-Could-Not-Believe-What-Had-Just-Happened. At all. Like seriously, ARE YOU FLIPPI’N KIDDING ME?!?!?
Four days a week
Money wasn’t a problem
Flexibility when it came to my son
Not to mention, I LOVE MY BOSS!!!!
And, the job was something rewarding. Something I could be proud of doing. Something where I was investing time and care into someone’s lives. I would be taking care of someone’s family, assisting in whatever they needed my help with. And, I couldn’t be happier.
I accepted. Without even blinking, I TOTALLY accepted!!!
I SCREAMED YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FROM THE MOUNTAINTOP!
I danced around my yard like a giddy five year old thanking God for being faithful. Always faithful. Thanking him for blessing my life.
So, there you have it …
I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!